Wednesday Afternoon and the Living is Easy

If you know me (which you obviously do or you wouldn't be reading this) the title above will make you laugh because you'll know that the living is NEVER easy for me. I'm a black hole of worries, insecurities and existential angst. But I like to give the impression of being laid back and collected, and my great acting fools some of the people some of the time.

Actually, when I'm feeling stressed out my body likes to take matters into its own hand (which are MY hands, too) and start to shut down. Show me an income tax form and watch my eyelids grow heavy, my mouth open into yawn after yawn - sleep quickly follows. Yes, stress has a soporiphic effect on me. The afternoon siesta was a regular feature of my life as a young undergrad - computer, books and coffee pot in one room, kleenex, xanax and my bed in the other.

As the parent of young children, I now have a convenient and understandable excuse for exhaustion, but the looming threat of needing to produce something for tomorrow night's little salon is having its anticipated effect -oops, there goes another yawn! I don't like disappointing people, even if they are my friends, and it's a small group. Yaaaaaaawwn... oh dear.

I've had so many thoughts about what I'd like to say and interesting ways of presenting it all, but time is really running out and my mind is soooo scattered. The topic of Ugly Feelings is so, well, ugly, and I usually subscribe to the idea of coating unpleasantness with a good dose of honey, or chocolate. Mmmm... So I want to avoid going all maudlin and melodramatic on people, as I know I could, given the aptness of the subject matter as it pertains to my life. I am often frustrated enough that I pull my hair, pound on my forehead with my fists, and stuff myself with food. And talk about irritated, I literally itch all over and I know that I'm difficult to be around.

There's no lack of pertinent fodder here, but it's simply too dark to lay out for people. And on a Thursday evening? It's practically the weekend, and a long weekend at that! I don't have the time to beautify it now. My inclination is to read relevant excerpts from my blog and call it good enough. (Ack, just the words "good enough" make me itchy! Ugh!)