I've heard people say, in a tone that seems to convey the weight of scientific inquiry and the tenderness of new-age common sense, that a baby's cry is especially designed to get its mother's attention and ensure that it is well fed and cared for. I'd say that nature has its eye on over-population and is seeking to cull the herd with this inner-eardrum smashing noise. Is there anything that drives a parent madder than a loud, desperate baby cry combined with an incessant toddler whine? Whaaaa!
I've been a bad parent this week, and don't try to talk me out of it. This morning, I said the "f" word a half-dozen times. I've kicked at stray toys, muttered angry words, and gritted my teeth to the point where my jaw is actually sore. I feel like I've got some kind of maternal Turette's syndrome whereby I can't really control my words and jerky movements. I've been frustrated, irritated, angry - in a terrible slaughtering mood. I try to get at the source of it, and it's difficult. The mess of this house is one stressor that I find almost intolerable when combined with the demands of childrearing, volunteer work, and major house problems. And my difficult on-going relationship with cleanliness is something that could fuel many, many blog entries.
I know from my own experience and that of friends that people's earliest memories are often of something traumatic. For me, it was a few days spent at a daycare when I was two years old - weiners and beans for lunch, sitting at the top of the stairs while other children painted pictures in the basement, air freshener sprayed in the room while we "napped" on cots, the arch over the entryway door. My partner recalls the blue of the hospital room where he stayed when he was two years old, his father feeding him as he sat in bed. What will Addie's first memory be? I pray it's nothing from this past week!
Like most people, I want to look good. I want to make even my dark side look pretty. Unfortunately, I'm too tired to cover up my foibles or reflect on them in such a way as to appear, if not good, then at least wise. Even my grammar is going. Welcome to Fridays at my house.
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1 comment:
i won't try to talk you out of it - it's always worse from our own angle, and we all have, shall we say "pas bon" days/weeks...and i know the littles won't remember our bad moments half as much as we will, as we dwell on and punish ourselves....take heart - this is supposed to be the most depressing part of the year!!!i'm not very encouraging am i.
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